There wasn't one.
This ain't fair! Not only were thousands, maybe millions, of bets on the color of the Gatorade Shower rendered null and void-- my annual tradition of posting on the shower has been wrecked!
Why wasn't there a Super Bowl Gatorade Shower this year? Why wasn't the Ravens coach doused in frigid sticky purple sugar water? I've scrutinized the footage of the game's final moments and what I come up with is this:
Head Ravens Coach John Harbaugh and Ravens owner Stephen Bisciotti were united in the Manly Bear Hug of Victory immediately after the game ended. And here's the thing-- while the players with the keg full of cold sugary Gatorade are perfectly willing to drench their coach in it, since they have tradition to fall back on and no one's gonna actually get fined money or anything, soaking the team's owner is a different kettle of wings entirely.
Plus, Biscotti and Gatorade don't go together. Biscotti go with coffee.
Gatorade can be mighty useful stuff. If you're really, truly dehydrated, which takes, like, two whole hours of going to the wall in your sport of choice, then yes, Vitamin G replaces water, sugar and electrolytes for you. (You have enough electrolyte reserves from your modern American diet to handle a little sweating without any replacement but water. Remember-- drink water only, if you go flat out up to 2 hours. Enlist sports drinks if you push beyond that.) Gatorade is also useful in many medical situations, including serious ones like cystic fibrosis. It does have a lotta sugar in it, though, and frequent use can lead to cavities.
It's not Gatorade itself that fires my ire. It's their marketing. Like many modern American corporate missions, it's all about More. More sales. More new customers. More gallons per customer per year.
Corporations gather together human and monetary capital and create amazing, useful things for us. There's a dark side though. Corporations are designed by law to maximize profits for their shareholders-- regardless of costs that get passed on to others. And there are costs associated with sugar water. Tooth decay. Type II diabetes. Weight gain in those sedentary folks who drink Gatorade without ever excercising. These are all issues of no concern whatsoever to the corporation engaged in the relentless pursuit of More. They just bury all that. They want More.
Heck, Gatorade even comes right on out and says it:
More hydration. More energy. More endurance. More performance. More game. More than water.
Those slogans are right off their website.
I should probably relax a little, and just be glad that the National Livestock and Meat Board thought up that famous, catchy slogan first.
You know, 'cause if not, we'd be dealing with, "Gatorade. It's what's for dinner."