Governance Ombudsmen of Electioneering Writs And Warrants
We, the nonpareil members of G.O. E.W.A.Y., having duly noted the discouraging and precipitous decline in civility amongst American political figures in this and recent election cycles, have set ourselves upon an implacable course of reforming the electioneering laws of the various States in our glorious Union.
As regards Pennsylvania, the Keystone State, we note here the state law which proscribes and sets the boundaries for electioneering:
No person, when within the polling place, shall electioneer or solicit votes for any political party, political body or candidate, nor shall any written or printed matter be posted up within the said room, except as required by this act. All persons, except election officers, clerks, machine inspectors, overseers, watchers, persons in the course of voting, persons lawfully giving assistance to voters, and peace and police officers, when permitted by the provisions of this act, must remain at least ten (10) feet distant from the polling place during the progress of the voting. (Pa. Consol. Stat. Ann. § 3060 (c); (d))
We, the nonpareil members of G.O. E.W.A.Y., have always been aghast at the ridiculously miniscule physical boundaries to electioneering prescribed by our State law. To wit, ten (10) feet is patently absurd.
G.O. E.W.A.Y. has studied these matters and has found that its own esteemed members, as well as the public at large, are often traumatized while standing in line to vote by crazy-eyed partisans who wave political brochures directly in voter’s faces and attempt to place said brochures directly into voter’s hands. That this untoward, unseemly and highly disturbing activity is permitted a mere ten (10) feet from the various polling places in this great State of Pennsylvania is quite unconscionable, and it is high time for reform.
Plus, dullards, do you REALLY think anyone EVER has changed their mind about the candidates they intend to vote for WHILE THEY’RE IN THE ACTUAL LINE TO VOTE?
G.O. E.W.A.Y. thus has set a goal of changing the Pennsylvania electioneering law to read, must remain at least ten (10) parsecs distant from the polling place during the progress of the voting.
Ten parsecs. Thirty-two-point-six lightyears. Yeah, man, you know what that means, in practical terms: