Side Streets, Stop Signs and Selfish Staumrels

Last post, we discussed my Second Most Intense Moronic Driver Pet Peeve. This begs the question, what is my First? There are hundreds of impolite, aggressive, overly passive, infuriating, dangerous and downright scary things that today's rushed, distracted drivers do that torment me. But my number one antagonizer is:

The Maddening Side Street Nose-Out.

Here's the set-up.

We're driving happily down a main road, obeying the law, minding our own business, enjoying those few precious moments of velocity-equilibrium before the inevitable next stop sign or traffic light, at which we're required by both law and self-preservation to grind up our expensive brake metal, and grind to a fuel-and-time-burning halt.

Suddenly, we're assaulted from the side. Some rushed, clueless clown has nosed out of a side street, right through the stop sign that stands tall in plain view-- a sign that valiantly, yet, in the end, futilely strives to stave off such selfish, dangerous behavior. They've almost hit us! They finally stopped, partway out into our lane, and we swerved left just in time to avoid their left front quarter panel, and just barely missed being head-ended by an oncoming truck on the other side of the road.

Why? Why do they do this to us? Why so many times per day too? In my neck of the woods, the Nose-Out typically happens to me two dozen times a day, and my commute is only nine miles each way.

What do these people think, that it's 1963, and Sunday afternoon, and there's no one gonna be on the road? It's 2013 people--there's always a car in our way!! Or so it is logical, and safe, to assume at all times.

I've made an informal study of this phenomenon. Drivers are more rushed and distracted than ever before in the history of motor cars. And if we had collected data on the average stopping points that people choose, on side streets connecting to main roads, and if we did it over time, I am convinced beyond doubt that this is what we'd see:

1963:

1983:

2003:

2013:

They also pull out when turning left; selfish driving knows no chirality:

And of course it's worst when there's an oncoming vehicle. And it's always something big...

I really, really don't like being put in that position.

And as drivers become more rushed, more distracted by texting and other technology, and more generally angry, it's likely to get even worse. I estimate that the difference between average stopping points at side streets from 1963 until 2013 is approximately eight feet. And with all that, the Maddening Side Street Nose-Out doesn't save the offending driver any time at all.

Oh. And in case you didn't encounter it before, a staumrel is a stupid person. Hey, I wanted to maintain the alliteration. And it's a splendid word, which brings with it a slight chance of preventing me from cursing in my car each time I encounter one of them at a Side Street Nose-Out.

Comments

[Tom Bentley]

Dangit, those squirrelly staumrels, and their beknighted nosings! Truly love the traffic diagrams in this and the other post. Where did you get the images? Or are they from your HO train set of your childhood? I do think there's a place for you in steampunk high school driver training instruction after you get over this dentistry phase.

Keep up the reality therapy—it's good for your audience (and obviously good for you).